For the last year and a half I have been doing the same dance

The will-I-stay-here-or-go-back-to-NYC dance. Basically, the minute I left I’d regretted it. I knew coming back to California was something I needed to do even if it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do. I regret leaving NYC when I did, but i don’t regret coming back to California. If that makes any sense. Probably not, but that’s the truth no matter how else I try and spin it. I spent most of my time back here doing nothing. That’s the honest/blatant truth.

Along the way I realized so many things and that’s why I feel like I’m ready to go back and be a success this time. I have my priorities in line now. I know what I want. I don’t care anymore if what I want and what everyone else expects from me don’t align. Everyone else doesn’t matter. In this one instance, it really is all about me and what I want. I finally know who not to waste my time on and who has really been there for me all along. This is my last real chance to be completely reckless and just go. Go before I feel/become trapped here.

The last thing I want is for this beloved home state of mine to become somewhere I feel like I have to be. I don’t want this place to be ruined. I love it here and I know I’ll come back someday, but right now is my time. It’s my time to be young, take risks, and run. Run back to the only other place that’s felt like home in the last 4 years. 

1. jessemarquez said: I may not know you but I definitely find the courage to follow your dreams something valiant and noble. I hope things work out, and California is a Great State :)
2. schmiddyballs said: will you at least stop by and see me on your way there??
3. nathannazareth said: I LOVE YOU ARELY! and I hope everything works out.
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5. awesense posted this